About “Like,” “Love,” and “In-Love”

This was a comment left on a blog post asking the question “What is the difference between like, love, and in-love?” This answer resonated with me because of my current relationship situation. (This is just a copy-and-paste, so there are typos and errors. I will come back and fix them later.)

I read in a book that there are many kinds of soulmates in one’s lifetime. There’s the friend soulmate: that perfect perfect friend. It can be of same or opposite sex. If the latter you will wonder why you are not attracted to each other. ..or if you gave it a go, you wonder why that part ain’t shooting stars.
there’s the sex soulmate. Every aspect of the passion , seduction and carnal bliss was really heaven – and it always will be.
..And you wonder why the character aspects are so clashing and everything else is so not working.
There’s the working soulmate…the spiritual soulmate.
And then there is THE ONE – and there might be more than one- which can fill your soul in all or almost all the main aspect of your soul,flesh,companionship..etc

Thinking that the day you’ll find this ONE is the day you’ll be truly happy is an unhealthy
mental attitude. If you are set this way, the day you ll meet him/her – yes it will be heaven for a while – but also the beginning of the end. you have set love as a mean to an end. And an end is what you will get.

Love is an ongoing process, it gets reacher and deeper, but itis not the means to an end.
The Thrill of the beginning of love, can be love or just a thrill. At the beginning you don t know each other really. It is a blank canvas . If you are blinded by love you will grow every illusion/delusion you have about love into the other person , into each other, denying every flat note- so to speak.
One day you’ll wake up in a maze of resentment or just next to a stranger.
– If you are Awaken by love, you will find yourself thrilled and curious to know who the other person really is . You’ll be excited to learn and even change. You will see defects and shortcomings both in them and in you. You will learn to turn anger into compassion- for example- You will want to make yourself better. You will learn to receive or give more – ( we all tend to be a bit more one than the other). you will be in the process of love. You got to be wanting to be a gardener..planting seeds, turning the earth…not just sit there in a pretty garden..

..And if you have ever wondered:
does the passion fade with time?
The answer is : No! Not if you let it.
Passion is part of love and it DOES HAVE its growing aspects.
Intimacy has no limits folks. With communication,love,trust,self awareness ….the tools of love.. passion does not need to fade.
It’s your fear, your craving for comfort, your not wanting to keep up with imagination and play that will make it fade.

If you ask yourself :

am I in love ?

..maybe the question is more

What Am I afraid of ?

Love is a teacher. the greatest toughest teacher. It is worth EVERY lesson.

If you are afraid to be hurt, to be left, not to be loved back, that you re not good enough that it won t work….
well it might. You might be awaken by love,and the other blinded.
you can never be certain, most especially in the beginning.

you can be certain of this :
If you are moved by fear, and not by love.
You will never find it.
You will never know it.
you will be missing out on the discovery of the foundation of life.
That includes fear of leaving a relationship
and or fear of opening up to one, or taking a step further.
It may take a big heartache. It may take loosing control, and loosing your head.
Those are/might be the lessons for your maturity and growth.
You might feel like dying,but maybe that’s just what you need to learn ( ..and no. You wont die! – a ” Love dying”/heartbrake experience is more about your past childhood traumas than the person whom you love/d and lost – it is in you emotional-memory bank which is attached to your love behaviors )
Finally ,about love ( this one is for the boys)
quoting Paul Newman ( the hottest dude in his time) about loving his Love& wife :

” Why go out for fast food, when I have steak at home?”

(..I said it was for the boys)

Petra Westen (2009-10-06)

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